id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
