Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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