I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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