Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
