There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
