she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
