Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
