i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
