Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
