so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
