I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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