I can tuck mytits in my pants
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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