if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
