Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
