He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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