I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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