he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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