We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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