I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize