took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You can't motorboat a personality
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
