my mouth tastes like poor choices
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
