Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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