omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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