Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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