in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
