Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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