I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Buhtt sex?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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