he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
