We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
