You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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