He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize