I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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