wat bout pragnant strippers??
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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