So drunk, too bad you don't want this
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
