dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
