you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
