i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
