M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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