dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
