I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
