i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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