I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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