Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
