We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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