Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
