three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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