dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
