She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
