I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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