Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
