alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
