The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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