he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
