dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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