four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
