I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Randomize
