I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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