I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
