I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
