"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I smell stomach acid.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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