i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
