im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
