Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize