I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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