how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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