new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
