She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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