Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
