you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It was confusing and full of hummus
he was CRYING into my vagina
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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