this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
