Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
